I never wore braces. Maybe that’s obvious. I went to an orthodontist recently, because my jaw felt funny and the TMJ doctor suggested I see this other doctor and hoo-boy, the thing I learned through all this was I should have been an orthodontist. I should have seen the dollar signs adding up as he swabbed vaseline all over my lips (and beard- gross) for the plastic mouth spreader in preparation of a 3D scan. Anything 3D still costs extra. What can you do? It was cool to see what it would look like if I could shrink down and live in my own mouth. Several thousand dollars later, I got a spiral bound book with recommendations on adult braces and various contraptions that I can insert into my defective mouth to help make it less horrendous.

The weirdest part by far, was seeing my own skeleton. The good doctor velcroed my head into place, I was urged not to move and they took a 360 degree scan of my head. Then they showed it to me. Eessh. You know those online quizzes where they tell you how you’re going to die and what date and all that? This was worse. This was seeing your own self as nothing but a misshapen sack of fat held up by brittle, crunching bones. The same bones as everyone else. I tried to look at my skull and see something special about it, but there’s nothing special about it. I wanted to spot that thing that made it an exceptionally me kind of skull. But it’s just a skull. You can imagine it stuck into the walls of the catacombs or thrown into a heap after some disaster or poor management event at the funeral home.

Anyway – I had sifted through all my grandparents letters and photos this past weekend, and I guess I’ve just been too engaged in the ghost world, reading dead thoughts, tracing old lineages into the ether, that seeing my own deathly visage was a little too much. Gazing into the empty eye sockets of what I’ll look like when all is said and done spooked me. And now I’m writing this. Trying to think about podcasts, and ways to not drink as much, and how to get into comedy festivals, but then my mind fixes on how I’m just a skull like everyone else. It’s hard to think about the future. Really all I can think about is my double chin in the x-ray.

Also. Adult braces? No way. No. Way.
YAY SUMMER!!

I can’t stop saying Ciao! Prego! and it’s driving the Missus crazy. OH WELL! We had a delightful time at the Biennale – jumping from Vaporetto to Vaporetto and catching some spots we didn’t go last time around. Most of the best shots were posted over on the Dale Seever instagram account. Someday maybe I’ll just post things as myself! WHAT A CONCEPT! But till that day comes, enjoy those photos of Venice. It’s great to be away from the heat and humidity of that ancient city and back in the heat and humidity of this current one. I actually did a thing the other day where I tried to reverse a smell mid-sniff. Like I was trying to chase it out of my nose by breathing out half way through breathing in. It did not go well and I ended up gasping for air which is the exact opposite of something you want to do when you’re surrounded by the worst summer subway smell ever. New York City. Land of dreams.

We had such a terrific time at Joe’s Pub performing our tribute to Lawrence Welk, Wunnerful Wunnerful! I’m off for a brief trip, but will be back in time for some updates about the show – including some video highlights and maybe a word on future iterations. Then on Tuesday, April 28th at 8pm at The PIT Underground, we’ll have a brand new Dale Radio live! Dale’s guests will be science writer Brooke Borel and comedians Doogie Horner, Mehran Khaghani, and Anna Callegari! Lots of fun talking about bed bugs and New York and comedy. Hope to see you there!

Thrilled to be bringing an all-new, all-exciting live episode of Dale Radio back to SF Sketchfest. It’s always a great time to be part of this festival – something I have been involved in since the earliest years performing with Killing My Lobster. Dale is once again paired with his ole Lobster pals on a double-header of an evening Tuesday, January 27th at 8pm at the Eureka Theater. Please come on out – and bring a friend or many friends. Tickets are $20 and available via this website.

Dale’s guests on this show are going to be Big Chef Tom Pizzica, Siouxsie Q, Kelly Anneken, and Cliff Hengst. They all represent parts of the Bay Area that are important to me, or had a big influence on me during my time there. I’m especially excited to welcome back an old friend to the stage – her identity is a secret!! But long-time followers of the program will probably figure it out! And as a bonus, Jon Wolanske is making an appearance as DJ Bob Ross. HAPPY LITTLE BEATZ!

This will be so much fun. I hope you consider coming out. And stick around for a great set by KML as they take the stage with some of their finest sketches and comedy from the last year or so. SF! Let’s get coffee. So much coffee.